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Index

Prologue

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

Part Seven

FAQ

Appendix

Summary: Phoebe is informed by Big Tall Old Man that she has, in her possession, the One Tag of Power, forged in the waters of Mount Spring by the evil Sauronette. She learns of the history of the Tag and she embarks on a quest to Rivendeli, where hopefully it will be taken care of properly.

(Fade to April 5th, when I am having a planning a total birthday party for the next day at my house- my birthday is April 6th, you know)

Phoebe: Make way for my brand-new Sealy mattress! Happy birthday to me! Got it at the Mattress Firm, I did!

(The Next Day...)

Man in Business Suit: (drives his BMW up to biker in street)

Biker in Street: What do you want? (recoils)

Man in Business Suit: (hissing) Tucson... Caprona...

Biker in Street: There are none here! You're going to have to go up to Oro Valley! They're all there!

(Before the party)

Big Tall Old Man: (knocks at window)

Phoebe: (chokes on pizza) WE DON'T WANT ANY MORE WELL WISHERS, CONGRATULATORS, OR CERTIFICATE PRESENTERS! I KNOW IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, BUT JUST GO AWAY!

Big Tall Old Man: And what about Big Tall Old Men?

Phoebe: (opens window) Big Tall Old Man! (runs up and tries to hug him but runs into window) Come in!

Big Tall Old Man: (hops through window) I come bearing bad news.

Phoebe: What?

Big Tall Old Man: You have in your home, attached to a Sealy mattress, the One Mattress Tag. It harnesses a power that could bring about the end of the world.

Phoebe: What?

Big Tall Old Man: In the ages of old, which are now long forgotten, 19 Mattress Tags of Power were made. Three for the Simmons mattress company; seven for the Spring Air mattress company; and nine for Serta. But all of them were decieved, for another Mattress Tag- the One to Rule Them All- was made by the Dark Mattress Company, Sealy. In it, Sealy could have taken over the world. The Simmons and Spring Air companies tried to resist its power, but the nine Serta executives were swallowed by the power of the One Mattress Tag, and made neither alive nor dead, and turned into the TagWraiths- because of the Sealy Mattress Tag. But a certain man one day defeated the dark company Sealy, and the One Mattress Tag passed out of all knowledge, until one day, a most unfortunate man picked it up. That man was Cher. He became overcome and immortal because of the power of the Tag and turned into not a who, but an it. But one day, the Tag was lost. But a certain store owner of the Mattress Firm happened to stumble across it and take it with him, discovered not until his exit by Cher. You then bought the very mattress it was attached to, and that Mattress Tag is now in your possession.

Phoebe: I don't understand! Isn't Sealy out of business?

Big Tall Old Man: The evil Sealy company is now coming back- it is regaining its lost strength, for it put a part of itself into that Tag. The One Mattress Tag is now being sought after.

Phoebe: So we hide it under the sheets! We just hide it! No one knows its here, right?

(Silence)

Phoebe: DO they, Big Tall Old Man?

Big Tall Old Man: I tried to find the creature Cher, but the enemy got to him first, and he said only three words that made sense-

(Earlier at the Sealy Mattress Factory...)

Cher: (being tortured) NOOOOOOO!!!!!! (more torture) DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER LOOOOOOVE!!!!!! (extreme torture) IF I COULD TURN BACK TI-IME..... WAHHHHH! (totally intense torture) ARGHHHHHHH! TUCSON! MATTRESS FIRM!

(Back at the Party...)

Phoebe: Tucson? Mattress Firm? But that would lead them here!

Big Tall Old Man: They will try to take the tag!

Phoebe: Then it cannot be found here. (Holds out tag) Take it, Big Tall Old Man!

Big Tall Old Man: NO! I CANNOT! If I were to take the Tag, it would turn my intentions to do good into pure evil... it must be destroyed!

Phoebe: Alright, then, I'll throw it into the fire!

Big Tall Old Man: But you can't! You're not allowed to remove the Tag from the mattress!

Phoebe: (rips off tag and throws it into fire)

Big Tall Old Man: The One Tag cannot be so easily destroyed- it must be cast into the Tag Printing Press in the Sealy Mattress Factory, where it was made. Only there can it be unmade. (takes Tag out of fire and hands it to Phoebe)

Phoebe: Then what must I do?

(Fade to next scene a minute or two later...)

Phoebe: (packing clothes and food) Where must I go?

Big Tall Old Man: You must get to Bisbee. Get to the Copper Queen Inn.

Phoebe: And you?

Big Tall Old Man: I will meet you there. I must consult the Biggest Tallest Oldest Man, who knows much more about this than I do.

Phoebe: And the Tag will be safe?

Big Tall Old Man: We can only hope.

(A noise from outside the window)

Big Tall Old Man: Sh! Stand back!

Phoebe: (ducks under desk)

Big Tall Old Man: (sticks meter stick out of window, it connects with something, and then pulls whatever it is inside and throws it onto the mattress- and IT is Richelle!)

Big Tall Old Man: RICHELLE CAPARZA, HAVE YOU BEEN EAVESDROPPING?

Richelle: There aren't any eaves around here. We're in Tucson. In fact, I don't even know what eaves ARE! I was just sweeping up the sand, if you follow me.

Big Tall Old Man: Well, it's definitely that time of mid-day when you would be sweeping up sand, isn't it?

Richelle: But- I- but-

Big Tall Old Man: WHAT DID YOU HEAR? SPEAK!

Richelle: Nothing important! That is, a good deal about a Mattress Tag, dark Mattress company, and the end of the world... Please don't turn me into anythin'... unnatural.

Big Tall Old Man: No... I have a better use for you.

(A couple hours later...)

Big Tall Old Man: (leads us out into the desert) Whatever you do, do NOT pin the Tag to your shirt. It enacts the power, and the Serta Executives can feel it even more strongly. (rides off)

Richelle: (looks at Phoebe and shrugs)

Phoebe: (begins to walk)

Copyright Phoebe Caprona 2002. If you intend to use any content from this website, e-mail me and ask. I DEMAND CREDIT FOR WHAT I HAVE SO PAINSTAKINGLY SLAVED OVER! Some things taken from J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings and the movie The Fellowship of the Ring. The mattress tag idea was mine. The four mattress companies (Sealy, Serta, Simmons, Spring Air) are REAL!!! Cher is not my own invention. He/she/it is old.